My very Irish dad, and legacies

What do you want your legacy to be? If you were to ask people what most stands out about you, what might they say?

I would wager that most of us don’t reflect enough on either of those questions, and may not have a coherence to our lives that make the answers obvious. Maybe that’s because you’ve done many different things and the results are more a rich patchwork than one design. That’s beautiful too.

It stands out when the legacy, or legacies, is/are obvious. Last month, we celebrated my Dad, Kevin O’Brien – who will turn 75 this summer – on the occasion of his being named the Grand Marshal for the St. Patrick’s Day Parade in the Quad-Cities, put on by the St. Pat’s Society. And it was a joy to honor a life’s work: 43 years fighting for workers’ rights’ and pay as an investigator in the U.S. Department of Labor, Wage and Hour Division; every single year enamored with and sharing his Irish heritage; the son of a farmer and an educator/writer, he and my mom passed down to each of us five children those lessons of hard work and learning and service; and lastly, a gradual shift from being a kid raised a JFK Catholic Democrat (13 years old when Kennedy was assassinated) who has grown more and more progressive with age.

Among those quite obvious legacies, my dad also has the gift of gab – yes, even more than me, those of you who think I talk a lot. He never met a stranger and can strike up a conversation with anybody. A true Irishman, he would say. Raised on a farm in northwest Iowa that has been in my family since 1882, my dad mostly embraced his Irish heritage with music or a pint at an Irish bar, decorations around our house, signing my siblings and I up for Irish stepdancing lessons, and participating in various Irish festivals or St. Pat’s Society events. Kelly green is his favorite color. He and my mom, Eileen Enzler O’Brien, went to Ireland for their honeymoon in 1978. They didn’t get back again until their 25^th anniversary, but as the kids moved out of the house, freeing up more of their time and money, they’ve been able to travel to Ireland numerous times.

Plenty of fodder for good stories, although, as my Dad says he learned from his dad: “Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.” Of course, this is only when it comes to anecdotes and family lore, not about things that matter. On consequential things, such as getting some modicum of justice for hundreds of men with developmental disabilities sent to work in Iowa and kept in horrible conditions while earning as little as $65/month, my dad has always been deeply dedicated to pursuing the truth https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/03/09/us/the-boys-in-the-bunkhouse.html.

My dad has been active in the Democratic party for years, whether going door to door encouraging people to vote, or talking to people about issues over that foresaid pint or over breakfast after a workout at the Y. The occasion of my dad’s speech accepting his honor as Grand Marshal for the St. Patrick’s Day parade (he was also, briefly, the Irish Mother of the Year, as they mistakenly put on the wrong sash) was expressly requested not to be political. Yet if you spent your life working for people’s rights, and your kids in various degrees work on things currently politicized – from working with the homeless to helping refugees and asylees to working against deforestation – just talking about your life is sending a message. And my dad did this in impressive fashion (credit to my sister, who helped write the speech) – full text, not accounting for any ad libbing, at bottom.

He highlighted how he was blessed to enjoy 43 years of stable employment with the Federal Government (something unlikely for most government employees today, unless you’re Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley) and how he’s been a union member for 50 years (and counting).

It was a grand day, and I’m so glad that our whole immediate family could be there to celebrate my Dad, along with many extended family members, friends - especially the Aherns, people he worked with and for over the years, and then the full bi-state community along the parade route.

Here’s to leaving a legacy that you’ll be proud of as well as that those you love will be proud of. And even better, to celebrating that legacy while still on this earth. I’ll close with a line from an Irish blessing my dad read: “May the hand of a friend always be near you.”

Thank you to the St. Patrick Society for this award, and for all of their hard work supporting Irish heritage, providing scholarships, and building community. This is truly the greatest honor for an Irishman. When I told my 4-yr-old granddaughter that I was going to be Grand Marshal, she was so excited. Of course, she thought I was going to dress up as Marshall – the fire-fighting Dalmatian from her favorite show, Paw Patrol.

In our family, we have a long list of Irish names that go back generations. So we might be related if you’ve got any of these names in your family: Ryan. Boyle. Scannell. Liddy. Nevins. McNeil. Cullen. Hurley. O’Brien. My dad, Eddie O’Brien, always had a twinkle in his eye and a story. He taught me to “Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.” I’d like to tell you a good story today, but of course with my wife Eileen, my five kids, two sisters, my brother, and many more friends and family here…I’m not sure I’d get away with it. Now, if they try to tell you any stories about me, I wouldn’t vouch for their truthfulness.

I love my family and I love being an Irishman. One time we had visitors near St. Patrick’s Day and they commented on our many Irish decorations, thinking we had just put them up for the holiday. But Eileen looked around the room, and says to the guy, “What do you mean? This is how our house always looks!”

One of the Irish Blessings we have hanging in our home begins, “May there always be work for your hands to do. May your purse always hold a coin or two.”

I grew up on a farm in Whittemore, Iowa where my parents taught me the value of hard work – as well as how to milk a cow and detassel corn. I graduated from Loras College in Dubuque with a major in History. Go Duhawks! With the help of this education, I was blessed to enjoy 43 years of stable employment with the federal government working as a Labor Investigator. I also spent 50 years as a proud union member. I was grateful to have a good job, although sending five kids to Catholic schools, sometimes only left a coin or two!

The Irish Blessing continues, “May the sun always shine on your windowpane. May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain.”

I’ve been blessed with a wonderful family and many friends. Some Irish, and some who wish they were. But life has not been without rain. And I want to recognize a few Irishmen and women who are now in Heaven, especially John Scally who went to Loras and grew up in Lawler like my Grandmother. I’m missing Loras Grads and Marines, John 'Red' Ahern and Seamus Ahern. I’m missing my parents, Edmund O’Brien, a farmer, and Frances Hurley, a teacher, musician and writer. They both believed in education and often told me, "They can take your farm but they can't take your education away from you." And my sister Eileen who taught high school English for more than 40 years and volunteered full time for many years at a clothing center and homeless shelter.  They all would have loved this Irish celebration.

The Irish Blessing continues, “May the hand of a friend always be near you.”

It’s great to see so many friends and family here today. I’d especially like to recognize my sister Mickey who spent 40 years as a teacher, my sister Francine who served as a prosecuting attorney putting criminals in jail, and my brother Dan a defense attorney trying to keep people out of jail.

Now I knew I had met my perfect match when I met Eileen Crowley Enzler. Our first 10 dates were all to Irish Pubs to listen to the music. I drank Guinness and she drank Harp. She liked Harp so much that now she is learning to play the Harp. Eileen was a teacher for more than 30 years and together we’ve raised 5 wonderful children. Four of our kids did Irish stepdancing. And I’m delighted all of our kids are here today.

Our daughter, Kat, lives in Barcelona, where she loves being by the beach and running. She works to stop tropical deforestation and is on the board of an organization supporting inclusive democracy.

Bridget keeps busy in Washington, DC with her energetic & creative 4-yr-old Mackenzie, while also providing marketing & management support for a small business.

Kevin deploys to support communities in need of humanitarian and emergency assistance. He was recently based in New York City but is currently in Los Angeles.

Brendan is a writer and just moved back to Davenport after years working as a guide and public lands employee.

Tim lives in Washington, DC, where he is involved in his local community and parish, and works in community Mental Health & Homeless Outreach.

Since retiring, Eileen and I have enjoyed visiting our children, gathering with friends and family – sometimes over a pint & some Irish music, and taking extended trips to Ireland. I’ve now been to Ireland 8 times – and one of my favorite things is when Irishmen see me with my Irish cap on and decide to ask me for directions within Ireland. I happily give them directions, and hopefully some of the time, they’re right. I usually say, “Just down the road a piece.”

The Irish blessing concludes, “May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.”

So let's enjoy this weekend – holding dear our heritage, values, and loved ones. Thank you to the St. Patrick Society and to all of you for making this Irishman’s heart so full. It will be my great honor to blow the whistle to start the Grand Parade tomorrow.