Joy in a hostile world

Much of my time and attention this year has been focused on the frenetic and aggressive attack on U.S. democracy, on the rule of law and on the rights of all Americans and all who are in the U.S. It is horrendous and appalling, and trying to stop it is the most important thing to me – by far.

Much of the rest of my time and attention this year, at least the last few months since my job in Barcelona for a U.S.-based sustainability NGO was eliminated, has been focused on trying to find a new job. One that will allow me to stay in Barcelona (so meets certain visa requirements) and that won’t blanche at me standing up for democracy and human rights.

This combination is not a recipe for zen and tranquility and optimism.

Last weekend, I met up with a Spanish friend who was in Barcelona but lives elsewhere in Spain. This came at the end of a particularly harsh week for disintegrating democracy in the U.S., where the news each week seems more alarming than the last. It came also as I anxiously waited to hear if I was to be the selected candidate in one job process (spoiler, I wasn’t).

So when my friend asked how my summer had been and how things are, I rapidly poured out a succession of worries, mostly about the state of the U.S.

He looked at me and said: “No puedes sufrirlo así” (“You can’t suffer what’s happening like that.”)

I argued, how could I not? It’s the most important thing to me, that the U.S. is a democracy.
So much depends on it – people’s rights, humanity, the rest of the world, etc etc.

He softened his stance, only slightly: “Pues a sufrirlo un poco, pero no tanto.” (“OK to suffer it a little bit, but not so much.”)

My initial instinct was, he doesn’t understand. Which may be true. He’s not from the U.S., and even many people from the U.S. who do care deeply about what’s happening and don’t support it seem far more capable of ignoring or minimizing what’s happening. I don’t want to do either of those.

Yet he was also right. I can’t remain in a state of high anxiety and tension most of the time. As was pointed out at physical therapy for chronic neck pain due to herniated cervical discs from a car crash and separate concussion – are you clenching your jaw, grinding your teeth at night, the therapist asked? Um, probably.

Finding a way to care and make a difference as the U.S. steamrolls towards a dictatorship, without letting it permeate every hour of my day, is easier said than done.

I’m going to try, though.

I can take inspiration from those I pass while running by the beaches of Somorrostro and Barceloneta, many of them retirement age, most of whom are old enough to remember living through at least the tail end of a dictatorship in Spain. I often see them dancing to music with an unmistakable joie de vivre.

I live in – to me – one of the most beautiful cities in the world. I’m living by the sea, as I always dreamed of. That’s not nothing.

And on the job front, I’ve decided to start a business (stay tuned!). I’ve had an inkling for a few years that I wanted to do something on my own, to follow an entrepreneurial route. I wanted to wait until I had finished paying off my student loans, until I had more savings, until I had permanent residency in Spain. But sometimes life forces your hand, and we don’t always choose the timing.

I’m going to try to focus on the world of possibility, bring out my persistence and optimism that are usually in strong supply. The negativity of the world this year has been battering those, but I will overcome.

It’s easier to confront tyrants with persistence and optimism.